You are doing good work.

To all the (exhausted, loving, over-worked, dedicated, lonely, and brave) moms:

 

You are doing good work.

You are doing important work.

You are doing hard work.

 

And you don’t get told that nearly enough.

 

The truth is that unless you are one of the few, lucky enough to have an established and ready support network at your beck and call or are hard-wired to love all things child-rearing, parenting small children sucks a good amount of the time. 

 

Yes, your kids are brilliant and adorable, but there are still too many tantrums, spills, and cries to count. There is still the endless sleep deprivation and constant reasons for fret and fear. There are too many lost friends and lost personal goals that fall by the wayside as you tend to the demands of daily caregiving. Relationships take tough hits that require time and strength to rebuild. But perhaps more disheartening is the constant barrage of negativity that comes from other people and society at large who are all too eager to tell you that what you’re doing is not good enough.

Of course, many parents out there really don’t give their best and refuse to put the needs of their kids first. And those selfish failures, evident by their neglect, abuse, and disdain, are rightfully condemned and criticized. But a good number of us try every day to do right by our children — to patiently teach them all they need to learn, to manage their daily needs (and demands), to heed the advice of pediatricians and development specialists, and to maintain a loving and nurturing home. And for all of you struggling to do the right thing in challenging conditions, this post is for you.

 

No matter what form the negative feelings you experience from time to time may take, they can actually be embraced as indicators of your parenting strengths. Your exhaustion means that you gave up sleep to help your child get theirs. Your fears mean that you worry about your child’s well being so they don’t have to. Your loneliness means that although you have no social life of your own, your kids have the attention and love that all kids deserve. And regardless of the situation you find yourself in, your bravery and dedication shine through in every sacrifice you make for them. While this might not make the frustrations any easier to bear, hopefully it can help remind you that you are not alone in this.

 

Children will always deserve more patience, love, and time than many ever know. And parents should strive to be the best versions of themselves that they possibly can. But each and every parent consciously working to give their kids a good life, should also know that despite the constant judgment and criticisms leveled by others, you have more people rooting for you to succeed than you know. 

 

Whatever stresses you face and however out of balance you feel, your kids depend on you. And that means you bear the unbelievably heavy burden of shaping them into intelligent, emotionally stable, and self-sufficient adults. Mistakes will undoubtedly be made. But there is no guidebook for how to do this and the needs of every family are different. 

 

Never forget, that wherever you are in the process: You are doing good work. You are doing important work. And you are doing hard work. It matters. And every sacrifice you make today, every time you find a little more patience to teach rather than criticize, and every constructive moment you spend means they grow into the stronger, smarter, and healthier individuals who make our communities better. 

 

So the next time your frustration spikes or someone you’ve never met decides to criticize your child’s behavior in public, please pause for a breath and remember that what you are doing matters and that there are plenty of people around you who have walked similar paths and who want you to succeed. We are rooting for you and for your kids, and we are empathetic to your monumental challenge. Your efforts are appreciated and you are not alone.